I am writing this more out of a personal need to express my thoughts. Ever since L was born, she has been "floppy". We immediately saw the difference between her and W. But as they say- every kid is different. We bought extra head support for her almost from day 1. Truthfully its been hard to see other babies her age meeting milestones. We wait for her to smile, coo, interact. During W's infancy, I had fun reading about the different milestones to expect. But with L, I just get depressed. I do better just enjoying her triumphs as they come. I've put the books away. Her smiles and coos are rare but they ARE coming. She seems to know us. I think she looks for me when I'm gone. She loves W. He seems to make her laugh the most.
Well anyway, fast forward a few months. We see a pediatric neurologist and after several tests, he has determined she has "communicating hydrocephalus". The old term for it is "water on the brain". He mumbles as he says this. I ask questions but the answers are hard to come by. As several people have said- he might not have the answers to my questions. Reading about it really terrifies me. I look at my quiet little girl and wonder what her life will be like. Honestly, it doesn't seem possible. I'm not sure if I am in denial or what.
The Lord has been many things to me over the years. My God. My Father. My Friend. My One that helps me when I really screw it up. This morning during my devotional, I read the familiar story of Hagar. (Genesis 21:1-21) Hagar gives him a name- The God that Sees. I've always loved that name. I've always loved that story. I've actually been at the spot in Israel where they claim Hagar took her son. As I reflect on the encounter between God and Hagar another aspect of God's character is emphasized to me. The Loving Parent. He's a loving God and a fellow parent. Yes, He sees Hagar and Ismael. But He also response as a divine parent with the power to intervene. "God hasn't missed one second of my parenthood", as the devotional says. God knows how we feel. He's been there. This morning as L sucks on her hands and as W plays with a blanket on his head, I take comfort in God as a parent. He knows.
Since L's pressure was normal during the spinal tap, we basically just "wait and see". We are going to see her regular pediatrician this week and also make an appointment with the ophthalmologist because there is some concerns about her vision. We are praying for wisdom and guidance as we make these next steps.
Well anyway, fast forward a few months. We see a pediatric neurologist and after several tests, he has determined she has "communicating hydrocephalus". The old term for it is "water on the brain". He mumbles as he says this. I ask questions but the answers are hard to come by. As several people have said- he might not have the answers to my questions. Reading about it really terrifies me. I look at my quiet little girl and wonder what her life will be like. Honestly, it doesn't seem possible. I'm not sure if I am in denial or what.
The Lord has been many things to me over the years. My God. My Father. My Friend. My One that helps me when I really screw it up. This morning during my devotional, I read the familiar story of Hagar. (Genesis 21:1-21) Hagar gives him a name- The God that Sees. I've always loved that name. I've always loved that story. I've actually been at the spot in Israel where they claim Hagar took her son. As I reflect on the encounter between God and Hagar another aspect of God's character is emphasized to me. The Loving Parent. He's a loving God and a fellow parent. Yes, He sees Hagar and Ismael. But He also response as a divine parent with the power to intervene. "God hasn't missed one second of my parenthood", as the devotional says. God knows how we feel. He's been there. This morning as L sucks on her hands and as W plays with a blanket on his head, I take comfort in God as a parent. He knows.
Since L's pressure was normal during the spinal tap, we basically just "wait and see". We are going to see her regular pediatrician this week and also make an appointment with the ophthalmologist because there is some concerns about her vision. We are praying for wisdom and guidance as we make these next steps.
