Blessings

Sometimes its easy to think about the hard things about this place. But the Lord in His sweetness provides blessings along the way. I get the honor of seeing Him provide in ways that I never even have thought about. Even the daily tasks of living take more time here. And right from the beginning, the Lord provided me with a househelper. Angie has been with me the whole way. She comes to my house every morning and sweeps, mops, dusts, does the dishes, washes my veggies and basically does all of the things that would take me hours to accomplish. If I need help with something special, she does it. Just a few weeks ago, I ran out of gas for my stove. And she brought me her little spare tank to use while I waited for mine to get refilled. When I have trouble expressing myself in Hindi, she patiently waits for me to spit out the words. I find myself thankful she doesn't know English because it stretches me. She doesn't know it but she is a great teacher.

There have been times when I have answered the door in tears or upset. And she sweetly listens. She wants to fight for me and is always on my side. Thats a good friend. We have an easy relationship and her cheerful attitude makes my day brighter. She is a tremedous blessing and one of the ways He has exhibited His amazing grace.

Give Me Words To Speak

Tomorrow I will find myself in a situation where I will be the translator. We have some volunteers out here with us which is great! Its beautiful weather and its always exciting to be around fellow Americans for awhile. But the thing is, our normal national translators can't help us out this time around. Since its smack in the middle of the school year, they are busy. I will have a national gal with me tomorrow but she doesn't speak English. I want the volunteer assigned to me to still have a good experience and she will be dependant on me for help. And as I get ready I just fervently pray "give me words to speak". Despite the language and cultural barriers, I hope that our hearts can still be heard. Someone once said "live your lives in such a way that if God doesn't show up- you will be in big trouble"

Hey Catholic!

So, the closest word that resembles my name here is Catholic. I have several national friends who call me that. And I almost hate to correct them. Their attempt makes me happy. I was walking down a little side street this morning and heard 'Hey Catholic'! And my heart just smiled.

I went to visit a friend in a nearby country this week although the pictures will give the location away. ;-) We had a wonderful time, I couldn't ask for a better week! These pictures are a little out of order. Going to see Petra required tons of walking so we opted to ride a donkey for some of the way. It turns out donkeys are hard to manage. (we may or may not have lost control at one point, knocking over some old European people in the process...)No wonder donkeys get a bad rap!

We spent the night in the desert one night with some Bedouins. (it was through an official tourist company so it wasn't as daring as it sounds) It was a perfect night for camping. We drifted off to sleep under a canopy of stars as I hummed the Pocahontas theme song (but then I thought- didn't she live in a forest, not a desert??)

a very famous site of Petra

Katie getting her hand nibbled by a camel.

some cute kids selling post cards

We went on a jeep tour of the desert right before sunset. This is an interesting rock formation they called "The Elephant".

This is the desert where the Israelites wandered for 40 years. This is one of their camels that didn't make it to the Promised Land...;-)

A Good Laugh

There is a new metro system in the capital city. I had never really used it before because they are still working out the kinks. But today I was with a friend who wanted to use it so we did. And its actually quite nice. It reminds me a bit of the London metro- complete with the warning to "mind the gap" (watch your step) The thing is, this big shiny modern metro is also mixed together with the mass of India. There are 100's of people fighting to squeeze into a narrow door that is only stopped for a few seconds. I saw one guy use his elbow to get through. I saw a mother actually using her baby as a weapon! Sweet little old ladies dressed in saris knocked people around like the rest of em'. Those old people are spunky I tell ya.

My friend stands heads and shoulders above every one else. So, he just happily waded through the crowd like the jolly green giant. Me on the other hand got tossed about like a rag doll. For some reason, I responded by CRACKING UP so that just made it worse. When I got an elbow to my rib, I laughed harder. My purse somehow got caught up in the madness and I had to cling to it for dear life. We finally secured a spot on the bursting metro car. I landed a spot right underneath some one's armpit. There is a saying in Hindi that says "come sit in my armpit". It just means "come sit beside me" This phrase came to life for me as I got pressed awkwardly close to complete a complete stranger's underarm. Sometime I feel like I live inside one of those tetris games. You know that old game where you have to move and fit the pieces just right to make the puzzle fit? If I move my knee 3 cm to the right while standing on one foot while tilting my head ever so slightly, there MIGHT be room for another Indian- but just a small one...

I somehow managed to eventually find a seat. I plopped down feeling battered and bruised. People just started at me - maybe wondering why I was laughing. But you know what? It was good to laugh. And laughter is good for the heart.

The Answer

It seems like the days of just talking in Hindi about the weather are behind me. Gone are the days of just small talk. Now, people are asking the questions that are hard to explain even in English. I have never gone a day in my life without food, shelter, water, love. So, I willingly admit, I don't understand exactly what people go through here.

Today I sat with a sweet new sister. She held my hand and looked into my eyes without blinking. She asked "but why? why? why? Why does it seem like He doesn't hear me? It seems like He doesn't answer "

I prayed for the right words. I briefly reflected on the tears that have come from unanswered prayers. I finally spoke. I said..He always hears us..its just...its just...our answer is not in this world. A look of understanding crossed her face. Her grip on my hand got tighter. And as two sisters...we just sat for awhile....

Wounded My Heart

I was born with the 'feelings' knob turned up too high on my chromosomes. Even from a young age, I seemed to FEEL everything too much. When I have taken those personality tests, I have always been off the charts in the "feelings" category. Over the years, I have learned to find ways to neutralize it. I don't shed a tear anymore when I watch the National Geographic channel. Nowadays, my heart remains stone cold when I hold puppies. I was able to work for years as a nurse and not cry...too much.... This feelings thing has been a blessing and a curse.

In Hindi, the phrase that you use for "hurt my feelings" literally means "wounded my heart". Well, this week has wounded my heart. I have a believing friend who has run into trouble. She and her family can barely put food on the table. They mainly just eat rice and cookies. We figured out a way to get food to her without her seeing our "white" faces giving it to her. But she figured out it was us. And she was upset. She told me she is not a beggar. Her parents have turned their backs on her because of her belief. I tried to explain. She just didn't understand. She would rather go hungry than take food from us.

Flash forward a few days. I was visiting with another family this week. They don't believe but have been super interested in important things. I had a wonderful conversation with one of the sisters about trusting. She said 'yes'! But then she asked a question. "Can you give me money"? My heart sank. Is this what she thinks? Was I just an ATM machine to her this whole time?

In one situation, someone who really needs won't take. In another situation, I just feel used and confused. And so now my heart is raw and bleeding. There are so many layers to this culture that just don't understand. And as I weave my way through the gray cloud of confusion and misunderstanding, it hurts. Will the TRUTH always be obscured behind my pale skin and American citizenship? I don't want people to see me. I want to be forgotten. But I do want people to see Him.

I remember the words of one wise man who had been on the field for years. 'When you step out onto the battlefield, expect to get hurt'. Well, he is right. It hurts.

Oil

I was visiting a sweet national friend this weekend. She has only known the Lord a short time. She has a tender heart and it doesn't take much for her to cry. We converse only in Hindi so I feel bad I don't totally understand her because she really pours her heart out to me.

So anyway, she told me, "JC anointed my head with oil" And I said "oh yeah? like in dream?" She said "No for real, He really came to me and anointed my head with oil. I had a pastor check me. He felt my forehead and said 'yes, that's oil alright'. So JC must have come and anointed me".

And all this time I just thought I had an oily complexion....

Along For the Ride

I have these neighbors that live by the hospital at the end of our road. From day one, they have welcomed us. When I could barely say "hello" they still would invite me in for tea. I remember taking my picture book over and they would teach me Hindi words. They don't know a lick of English. Over the months of knowing them, they have become pushy. They are pretty needy. Whatever I have to offer, they want more. If I have an hour to give, they want 5. They still don' really understand that I was SICK, thats why I didn't see them for months last winter. The thing is, they are SO needy and clingy....because well, they are in need. They have had a rough life and their faces and speech prove it. Truthfully, sometimes its just easier to avoid them. But I remind myself that I didn't sign up for easy. He loves them so I love them.

The thing is, this family LOVES stories. Every time I go over, they want me to teach them a new song and story, I can barely keep up. Yesterday, my encounter with them was the same as any other. After spending some time with them, I had almost pry myself from their grasp in order to go home. After being home for just a few minutes I hear a knock at my door. It was two cousins from this family. I welcome them in. And they proceed to tell me that they love HIM. They told me that they love to sing worship songs, they know He can heal, they know He can change lives. HUH?? This was totally out of the blue. By this time, it was the end of the day. My Hindi was frazzled. I tried desperately to keep up with what they were saying. I tried desperately to speak truth. I let them listen to a story in Hindi and we talked about it some. They want to come back for more.

I know that sometimes I just have to give up my "rights" of having good boundaries, good personal space. They don't understand personal space. But they understand love. I know that He is at work and I am just thankful that I get to be along for the ride.