The Beautiful Messy

I work at a nursing home. And every day I get love the broken, the messy, the unattractive, the marginalized. In South Asia, I saw the messy as well and I wasn't as shocked as I thought I would be. I think the reason is- mess is mess. And showing God's love is showing God's love. The context is different but when it comes down to it- people need the radical, life saving love of Christ.   Its hard to pour out from my own strength and love the hurting. To love the forgotten. Sometimes I judgmentally think "I would never in a million years put my loved ones in a place like this and just leave them". But I don't know the full story. Sometimes I get irritated when a resident  spits water in my face but then I remember Someone once saying "I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink".

So, every day I seek (or try to seek) the beautiful messy. Every day I wink at a nonverbal woman when I give her medicine. She doesn't do much other than sit in her chair. I look at her pictures on her wall. I look at the life she lived. And I wink at her staring face. And after days of winking.... FINALLY she winked back yesterday. Beautiful messy.

Or the small woman with the blue eyes who laughs and cries at random. I love her heart. I love it that I can laugh when she laughs and hold her hand when she cries. One day, on a particularly bad shift, I felt  tiny arms encircle my waist. The small woman was hugging me and I was blessed that day. Beautiful messy.

Or the two friends who used to play cards together. Their bodies are still here but their minds are long gone. I often find them together, usually holding hands. I didn't know the reason for a long time until someone told one day me "they were best friends".  I get to see the power of friendship played out every day. And I think about the dozens of friends in my life who would probably come find my room in the nursing home, wipe the drool from my face, and hold my hand. And I would do the same for them. Beautiful messy.

Or the man who looks for his wife who is long ago deceased. He wants to make sure she has had her breakfast so he stands and looks for her in the dining hall. It doesn't do too much good to remind him. So we just smile and change the subject. The heartbreak. The love of a husband. The beautiful messy.