I gave my Bible away, the one I carried in South Asia. So I have found myself without a bible for the week. My Kindle has been filling in but no amount of technology can replace the feel and smell of a Bible pulled from a dusty shelf. There is just something about turning those thin, crinkly pages. I love it when random pieces of paper fall out, reminders of the past. A note that asks "hey where you want to go for lunch". A bookmark given. A crushed flower. A church's program. Memories.
So this morning I went into the study and pulled a bible from the shelf. I didn't really pay attention to which one it was. But as I opened it, I quickly realized that it had belonged to my grandpa. I don't feel like I knew my grandpa really well. Growing up, he was always the silent one outside tending his garden. I know he always took care of me if I needed something. He loved animals. I remember sitting on the porch with him as he patiently pulled ticks out of a beloved dog we had growing up. I know he occasionally slipped me a 20 dollar bill as a teenager. I know he loved me. But I didn't know him well. As he aged, he grew grumpier and sadder and I am ashamed to say that I found it more and more difficult to talk to him. His last few years on earth were pretty miserable for him and it was hard to watch. I found myself having a mixture of emotions when he finally passed from this world to the next. He finally had found rest. He was finally without pain. But of course he left a hole.
As I opened the bible, I looked at the quotes that he had taped in his bible. I looked at the verses that he had underlined and the notes that he had written in the margins. And I wonder what he might have been thinking at that moment. I saw apart of his heart and his faith that he had never revealed to me. And I felt I got to know him better. Reason number 35466 I am looking forward to heaven.
So this morning I went into the study and pulled a bible from the shelf. I didn't really pay attention to which one it was. But as I opened it, I quickly realized that it had belonged to my grandpa. I don't feel like I knew my grandpa really well. Growing up, he was always the silent one outside tending his garden. I know he always took care of me if I needed something. He loved animals. I remember sitting on the porch with him as he patiently pulled ticks out of a beloved dog we had growing up. I know he occasionally slipped me a 20 dollar bill as a teenager. I know he loved me. But I didn't know him well. As he aged, he grew grumpier and sadder and I am ashamed to say that I found it more and more difficult to talk to him. His last few years on earth were pretty miserable for him and it was hard to watch. I found myself having a mixture of emotions when he finally passed from this world to the next. He finally had found rest. He was finally without pain. But of course he left a hole.
As I opened the bible, I looked at the quotes that he had taped in his bible. I looked at the verses that he had underlined and the notes that he had written in the margins. And I wonder what he might have been thinking at that moment. I saw apart of his heart and his faith that he had never revealed to me. And I felt I got to know him better. Reason number 35466 I am looking forward to heaven.
1 comment:
Wow Cathy... good post and a wonderful thought. Thanks.
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