I Caved

I did it. After two years, I finally caved into the pressure of society. Got a nose ring. Around here, ladies wear nose rings like ladies back home wear earrings. Not having a nose ring was just one more reason I was weird. So, I buckled down and did it. I am sure when I go back home, I will chicken out and remove it. But for now, I am walking around feeling slightly more edgy than I did yesterday. Do you notice the tear in my left eye? Dramatic huh.

Books

Before I moved to South Asia, I really enjoyed good theological books that stretched my mind and convicted my heart. But the longer I have lived here, the more dumb I feel. I know I have said on several occasions "I promise...I used to be smarter than this". :-) For whatever reason, I just can't pick up theological books anymore. I don't feel up to reading about living a radical life. I don't want to read about the theology of blah blah blah. Theology is GOOD of course, don't get me wrong. Its just that that these days, when I get home, I just want to be washed in His Word. Pure and simple.

And for just fun reading...I am drawn to books that help me think about another time and place. Its like my mind needs a respite from what I see and experience. Maybe one day I can pick up a good challenging book. But for now, I will just hang out with Anne from Green Gables.

Holi Cow!

Well, its Holi season again. For those of you who might remember from last year, this is a huge festival celebrated at the closing of winter. Its their version of Memorial Day I suppose. After holi, you can wear white. :-) There are several stories surrounding this holiday but basically, they believe this day is a celebration of the triumph of good over evil. Its actually a pretty dark story if you read about it but for the general population its just a day to act silly and play.

This holiday is celebrated by people throwing colored powder and paint on each other. So, if you dare to walk outside, you have to be sure to wear old clothes and duck. Last year, we had a blast with our neighbors. This year, I am traveling and unfortunately won't be there to celebrate with them.

But here are a few photos from the festivities. There is never a dull moment around here.

I Am Done For The Day

I started out today thinking it would be very good and productive day. But it just wasn't. None of my plans worked out. What spurred me along today was knowing that I was going to meet my old language helper because today is her birthday. We normally have alot of fun together and I was looking forward to a fun time with her.

Instead of meeting at her house, she wanted to meet up at our local "mall". Which...mall is a really loose definition of the place. She wanted to eat somewhere so I told her I would treat her to pizza. She was really excited because this is only the second time she has had pizza in her life. She comes from the village and so she just hasn't had those western experiences. She seemed very nervous as I ordered the drinks and food. I actually thought it was cute that she was so nervous. Aww...its so good for her experience new things....

When all of the sudden, she called someone on her phone. And wouldn't you know...a boy showed up. This is a BIG NO NO in this town. Of course guys and gals meet up all the time. But there is a stigma about it and I KNOW its something her parents would not approve of. It turns out...she was just using me as a chance to meet up with this boyfriend at the mall. My heart just sunk, I almost wanted to start crying. After a few minutes, another boy showed up. By that point, I had it. I was totally culturally rude, got up from the table, and started to leave which REALLY embarrassed her. Of course the two boys scrammed when they saw me start to leave.

She begged me to stay. So, I sat back down. I thought "how can I turn this situation around"? I talked with her about how she lied to me and how it hurts to be lied to. I pointed her to the Word and I told her that we should live lives in total truth. I told her He says to honor our father and mother. And how is lying honoring them? We hugged, I told her I forgave her. But I also told her "I am done for the day". I don't think that exactly translates. But I tried to explain the jest of it. I

On my way home, I was thinking about the fact that she has no concept of how its wrong to use someone for false motives. She has never seen the Light, how can I expect her to act as if she is a child living in it? There is no way I can explain to her "hey look, I had a crummy day and I was really looking forward to hanging out with you. And you just disappointed because you used me for your own personal gain".

Its days like these that I think it would nice to have a family to come home to. To tell them about my day and how weird it was. But its also days like these that I know He knows how I feel. Because really, He went through disappointing days. And He knows. And as always, that is enough.

Crossing the Street

This is what a crowded South Asian street looks like. In order to cross, there are a few rules that one must abide by. For one, gear yourself up for it. Just go for it, take the plunge. More than likely, you will survive. Ox carts don't go very fast anyway.For two, look for a group of nationals who are about to cross and just go with them. They have lived here their entire lives and they are experts. Find some granny, grab onto her purse and go with the flow. For three, remember these words "hesitation brings about failure". The thing is, the cars are EXPECTING you to pull out in front of them. There is this crazy system that they follow that doesn't make sense to the naked eye. If you stop and freak out in the middle of the road, it messes up their system. So once you start walking, just keep walking. Its like playing the game frogger. I must admit, there are times when I still get nervous. But I have been laughed at enough times to know I just need to keep my feelings to myself.

And THAT is how you cross a street in South Asia.

Navigating the Gray

So, I don't really know how people grieve here. I am in uncharted territory. Back home, I could understand more of the unspoken. But here...its just very difficult. In this society, I have learned that you don't really directly mention things like death, pregnancy, sickness..or suicide.

This evening, my sweet neighbor Mindy approached me. And this was our conversation

Her: " You have those photos from New Years"?
Me: "yeah"
Her: "Can I see them'?
Me: "sure, right now?"
Her: "well..no...its night time....and I am alone . Can we look at them together, tomorrow"?
Me: "of course"
Her (gives an upward silence glance towards the now empty apartment where L lived)

A very strange conversation indeed. But here is what I think she might be saying

Hey, you have those photos from New Years? Because those were some of the last photos ever taken of her. And I want to look at them because I want to remember. But I am scared to look. I don't want to do this alone. And its night time and the evil spirits are awake so I have much to fear. Can you sit with me tomorrow? She was my friend, I can't believe she is gone.

So many things I face are not black and white. Continue to pray as I navigate the gray.

Growing up, I got really hooked on old I Love Lucy episodes. I just thought she was funny, always trying to get into Ricky's show. Well, one episode, her and Ethel are working at a chocolate factory. And they can't keep up production. So, they start eating the chocolate before it gets too overwhelming.

I feel like I am in the same spot as poor Lucy. Chocolate after chocolate keep coming at me. And by chocolate I mean...hard stuff. I WISH that God spoke to us through chocolate...buts its usually through persecution and trials that He speaks to us the loudest. This week, it just got to be too much. I got overwhelmed. I got angry. I wanted to run. I found myself being motivated by guilt...not by love.

What did I do? Well, ate some chocolate of course. But also, Heather and I decided to retreat to the hills. We live about four hours away from this cute little mountain town. We checked into a nice hotel and just vegged for two days. One of the nice things about South Asia is- you can afford room service. I enjoyed the quite. I enjoyed the clean. I enjoyed the lack of people. One day, we took a little walk and I found myself sitting on a bench in a beautiful little church courtyard. While sitting there, I just spent time concentrating on my surroundings. The mountains, the grass, even the monkeys. I looked at all the colors, sights, and sounds around me. And I just knew..I KNEW that God loved me.

So, I have come back down off that mountain. And the circumstances haven't changed. I still have to face some difficult things .But I pop another chocolate in my mouth and rest in the fact that His love is enough.