It Came Upon a Midnight Clear

This is my last Christmas in the States for awhile. I have tried to treasure each day that God has given me. Everything has a bittersweetness to it. I have been praying that we would all know His presence this Christmas season.

As I was sitting in our church's Christmas Eve service, the lyrics to It Came Upon a Midnight Clear really touched my heart. I often times don't really pay attention to the familiar words of Christmas songs. But this time...I really listened. The last two stanzas really stuck out to me.


Yet with the woes of sin and strife
The world hath suffered long
Beneath the angel strain have rolled
Two thousands years of wrong
And man, at war, with man, hears not
The love song which they bring
O hush the noise, ye men of strife
And hear the angels sing

For lo! The days are hastening on
By prophet bards foretold
When, with the ever circling years
Shall come the Age of Gold
When peace shall reign over all the earth
Its ancient splendors fling
And all the world give back the song
Which now the angels sing


So right now we don't have peace on earth. There is NOT goodwill to all men. Right now the Love Song gets lost in the noise. But listen...just listen. Grace dwelt among us. And one day, very soon, He is coming back! There will be peace... This world is not my home. There is very definitely something wrong with this place. Oh but one day..one day soon... peace will reign and we can spend eternity listening to the Love Song.

I Have Learned

This next week I finish up at my nursing job at Baylor. These last few days I have been thinking about what that is going to look like in my life. Not only am I finishing up a job... I am starting a new one that is not directly related to nursing. I have done nothing BUT nursing since I was in college. Working as a nurse has taught me a lot about God, people, faith, pain, and myself.

When I first started out in nursing, I was actually 6 foot tall but now I am only 5'3" because I have literally walked my legs off being so busy.

But seriously... one thing I have learned is that you can really tell how a person has lived their live by watching how they die. I have seen the best and worst in people. I have seen the best and worse in myself. I have looked into patent's eyes and seen death but I have also looked into their eyes and have seen hope.

I have learned to see God not only in grand cathedrals but in the face of His children who are scared, hurting and poor.

I have learned that the hospital- issued gown is the great equalizer. CEO's of companies, VIPS of society, mothers of newborn babies, homeless men off the street....they all have to put that same colored gown on. They all fear the unknown and are looking for answers.

I have learned what God means when He asks us to serve without grumbling. There are times when I became frustrated because I felt like a servant. But that small voice would remind me "You are MY servant".

I have learned that hospitals at night are a bit spooky. Lights are turned off, people go home, act ivies are ceased. And its quiet. I have more time to think. And I think I notice the sadness more.

I have learned to be thankful for the gift of laughter. People in the medical world have a sick sense of humor... both patients and workers. I see God's grace in the ability to laugh in the midst of hardship.

I have learned that sometimes the best thing to do is just listen. I have stuck my foot in my mouth enough times to realize that just giving a listening ear is the best medicine.

I have learned that this world is ultimately under God's control. He alone determines the time of life and the time of death. Of course He gives us the ability to run tests, give antibiotics, perform procedures but ultimately HE is the one in charge.

I have learned what the valley of the shadow of death looks like. I have heard the wales of those who lost their loved ones. Its been a constant reminder to me that we live in a fallen world. Its forced me to put my hope in the Giver of hope. And I have prayed many of times for His return.

So... nursing...you have been good to me. I will return because you are apart of my heart now. So, I will just say goodbye for awhile.

A Towel and a Basin

Scattered thoughts..so many things running through my mind. I feel like I am buckling under the stress. I am at work and its a very busy shift. I get the message that one of my patients needs to see me. I knock, open the door with a smile and try to appear calm. His request? He is ready to have his bandages on his feet changed. My dreams of getting caught up on paperwork quickly slip away. I let out a long internal sigh although I keep the smile plastered on my face. Doesn't this guy realize I am drowning in busyness? But I say "sure". But my mind is whirling with activity. I think "I am SO busy and this guy wants me to wash his feet?" The noise suddenly stops in my head and time itself seemed to stop just for a second. Tears fill my eyes, I can't even look up I am so ashamed. The Lord threw an arrow right at my heart. "Yes Cathy, you are to wash this man's feet". Taking a towel, and a basin...I knelt down...and thought about the passage in John. Jesus wrapped a towel around His waste, poured water in the basin and washed His disciples feet.

Paid in Full

This is something I wrote right around Thanksgiving a couple of years ago when my mom was still really sick. I think alot about God's redemption, especially during the holiday season.

" I was standing in line at Luby's on Thanksgiving Day. My dad was chattering to the man behind us in line. I smile faintly at the stranger so I won't appear rude. But my mind is a million miles away. A sadness resides in my heart and I can slowly feel the sting of a tear in my eye. Its not really enough to form a full teardrop but still...its enough. My strong, stressed out dad tells the Luby's lunch lady what his order is. The Turkey Meal deal! He turns to me proudly and says "I ordered an extra pumpkin pie for us, I figured it was worth it". Its strikes me as sad...ordered our Thanksgiving dinner from Luby's. Mom really can't cook this year and my dad thought it would be a nice gesture to take care of the food for her. Its sweet really...seeing him be a loving father and husband...trying to make the best out of a bad situation...thats my dad. It becomes our turn in line and the Luby's lunch lady hands us our packages of food with a smile. I notice a yellow slip attached to our cold yet already cooked turkey...the slip read "paid in full". Huh...paid in full... My sorrow, my pain, my sin, my Thanksgiving dinner at Luby's...all paid in full. The redemptive message of the Cross lingered in my mind as we headed across the parking lot with our Turkey Meal deal. I never thought I would find God's grace on a cold turkey."

The List

Yesterday I sat down and made a list of everything I need to get done before I move overseas. Right now I am pretty task orientated. I move from task to task and I feel a sense of accomplishment as I check it off of my list. But I was thinking about something as I was driving to church yesterday. I was thinking about how often I forget the power of the gospel in my life. I want to devote my life to spreading the gospel of Jesus. And yet, I so often forget the POWER of the gospel in my own life. I can teach Sunday school, go visit people, graduate seminary or go start clinics under a tree in Africa. But the bottom line is, NOTHING can replace God...when I find myself getting tired, discouraged, cynical or disappointed...He always reminds me "Cathy, I want YOU. I don't need your deeds or your tasks or your list that you will probably lose anyway, I want YOU". Because His love is better than life, my lips will glorify Him.

First Trial

I noticed that alot of my friends are doing this blogging thing so I thought I would give it a try. I just returned home from my appointment week in Houston. And its been kinda a rollercoaster return home. I think its finally hitting me that I am leaving home. I feel overwhelmed. I naturally want to retreat into isolation when I feel like this. I am just trying to take it one task at a time. I don't think I can even take it one day at a time just quite yet. So, I will just keep it to one task at a time.