A Bundle of Paradoxes

I was trying to think how I could describe living here. One one word keeps running through my mind. Paradox. I believe and I doubt. I hope and I get discouraged. I am trusting and suspicious. I am tough as nails but have wobbly knees.

I currently live in the back of a lovely garden protected by white brick walls. I walk out of my house and for a minute, I could actually be in the U.S. But the second I step out of those walls, the smell of manure slaps me in the face. Right next door to us there is a field where cows graze. This lady is always out there making cow patties and I wave to her every morning. I climb onto my bicycle rickshaw and put my Ipod on. I listen to Hillsong's "Mighty to Save" as I pass people worshipping idols before they go to work. I have wireless Internet and yet just last week, I stopped off at one of tents by my house and had tea with the family that live there. I get irritated when I get too hot and then feel guilty because I have no right to complain. I can't make sense of this place. I can't make sense of my reaction to it. I love it and I get overwhelmed by it. Some days I can't wait to get out of bed. Some days I wish the sun would just go back down and I could keep sleeping. So..this is life for me now...a bundle of paradoxes. And all I can say is that His grace is amazing.